Feb 22

By the Numbers

3–times I had to say “The Sears Tower” before My Insane Mother believed me in answer to the

3–times My Insane Mother asked, while driving around Chicago at night, “What are those white rocket things with the steam around them? THEY LOOK LIKE NASA!”

____________________

5–couples who married after Pete and I and are already divorced. that I know of. which is one more than

4–legitimate capable qualified singers cast in the Les Misérables movie so far. which I’ll watch anyway. fml.

____________________

6–my basketball team’s ranking, which is currently

7–spots higher than the ranking for that other team, and good enough to currently project a

1–bracket seed in the tournament for my team.

____________________

2–locations being seriously considered for a

6–day vacation later this year taken by My Insane Mother, dad, Pete, and me. of those 2 locations,

2–have been visited (separately) by Mom and me, while

0–have been visited by Dad or Pete.

0.2–hours predicted before I end up so intolerant of Mom on said potential vacation that I throw her out of an airplane at

35,000–feet.

____________________

3–number of people I might run into tonight at a reunion of old friends / acquaintances thingy who I am absolutely dreading seeing.

0–number of those people I know for sure are attending.

8–number of people I might run into tonight at a reunion of old friends / acquaintances thingy who I can’t wait to catch up with.

2–number of those people I know for sure are attending.

26–dollars I spent on a cute shirt yesterday.

0–dollars I should have spent on a cute shirt yesterday.

26–dollars I could really use to pay for drinks at this old friends / acquaintances reunion thingy tonight and a cab home after. oh, who am I kidding? that number should be

40–dollars at least.

Feb 21

Smash Review: Enter Mr. DiMaggio

Last time, Ivy was cast as Marilyn for the workshop. That was the big news. Also: Ivy slept with Slutty Derek; Eileen fought with her ex-husband and threw her drink in his face; Karen has a perfect boyfriend but isn’t much of an actress; Shady Ellis has been following the O’Brien Method for listening behind every single door he can find; there is no book or other structure for Marilyn the Musical.

Turns out, Karen WAS cast in the workshop. She’s in the ensemble, and the audience is promptly reminded that ensemble is NOT the same as chorus. She meets up with Slutty Derek for a drink, and Perfect Boyfriend Dev shows up to have a Brit-Off with Slutty Derek. Cute. Karen has to go to Iowa for her midwest BFF’s baby shower. That PLUS the workshop means Karen will have a tough time keeping her waitressing gig. She’ll be too busy for shifts, and will then be poor. Perfect Dev offers to support her while she chases her Broadway dream. She doesn’t like this plan. She is a modern independent corn-fed woman, goddamnit.

Grace, Tom, Eileen, and Slutty Derek want to cast Michael as Joe DiMaggio. Apparently the three men they’ve decided to feature are Joe, Arthur Miller, and JFK. Seriously. Ugh. Apparently we’re ignoring her first husband. And any female friends (poor Jane Russell – why can’t Karen play her?). Anyway. Michael. He’s performing in some tiny off-off-Broadway show, which gives them all an opportunity to go watch him sing Bruno Mars songs. How convenient. They love Michael and offered him the part.

Michael doesn’t immediately accept. He’s got a wife and kid. Workshops don’t pay well. Apparently $200/week, whether you’re playing Joe DiMaggio or you’re just in the ensemble. Further, it turns out that about 5 years ago, when Grace & Tom were working on some other show that Michael starred in, Grace had an affair with Michael. He continues to stand too close to her and tell her how lovely she smells. Of course he accepts the part.

Ivy starts to worry that she was only cast as Marilyn because she’s sleeping with Slutty Derek. As I said last week, I don’t think that was it at all. But, the news is out and Tom is OUTRAGED. Grace is a-ok with it. Mostly because she’s confessing to the Michael thing. Ivy is also worried about why they never go to Slutty Derek’s place, and why he doesn’t call or text for days at a time, and all sorts of things girls worry about when they’re sleeping with somebody they actually like. She’s not using him. It’s kind of a shame- it would be fun if she were.

That foreshadowing last week about Eileen’s ex being the business end of their production team? This week we get a parade of rich old men who invested in prior Eileen-Jerry productions, all telling her that they demand Jerry’s involvement because they are more comfortable doing business with him. Eileen is gobsmacked. She can’t recognize foreshadowing.

Shady Ellis continues to lurk behind every closed door. He has a girlfriend who thinks he deserves to be paid for his “idea” – you know, that time he was reading a Marilyn book and said “she’d make a great musical.” THAT IS NOT AN IDEA. He decides that he should fight back against Grace by stealing her notebook of lyrics and lines and who knows what else. Shady doesn’t even begin to cover it. He also happens to be O’Brien-ing when she tells Tom about the affair. Oh my.

Karen’s trip to Iowa is dumb and gives us another opportunity for a karaoke scene, so hey- why not? Eventually dad decides to give her some money to keep her afloat while she workshops. She didn’t ask for it, but he insisted.

They did a boring song called “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” about MM and JDM getting hitched. It had boring staging. If you’re going to call something “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” you’d better make it at least as interesting as Brad & Angie shooting at each other, amiright?

The show continues to be a lot of fun. I love that it shares the process of creating a big fancy extravaganza- a LOT of work, by a LOT of people. It takes time and money and creativity and practice and work. The out-of-show stuff is getting more interesting (because they didn’t mention the stupid adoption at all this week) and it’s great to see how incestuously repetitive the theater community is. It’s all who you know, what you’ve done, and how they remember the experience. I dig it.

Feb 20

American Idiot Review

You guys. Yesterday I got to see American Idiot at the Oriental Theater.

Squeee.

I know. The crack team behind Dookie, the ones with multicolored hair and names like “Tre Cool,” cranked out a Broadway show. There wasn’t even a secret song about masturbation at the very end. I was as shocked as I’m sure you are.

I joke because I adore Green Day. Dudes are legit. Dookie won itself a Grammy, you know. Plus, are you familiar with the Foxboro Hot Tubs? Wowza. Dudes are LEGIT. American Idiot (both the album and the show) is only further proof that Green Day really knows what it’s doing when it comes to music. Even more plus? They don’t release “clean” versions of their music, even though some retailers won’t sell music with those hideous “Parental Advisory” stickers. I respect the shit out of that.

Okay, enough gushing. On to the show.

Every generation needs a rock musical to scream what they’re living through. The counter-culture hippies of the 1960s had Hair. The artsy types who watched all their friends die of AIDS in the 80s had Rent. The disillusioned millennials who came of age right around September 11 have American Idiot. And whether it’s Let the Sun Shine In, Seasons of Love, or 21 Guns, audience members feel like somebody somewhere took what they feel and put it into the perfect music that they needed. Watch the casts of these shows as they emotionally connect with the music to the point of tears. It’s beautiful.

Plot- good. American Idiot follows a group of friends from their boring suburban dead-end lives. Three decide to leave together. One ends up staying home with his knocked-up girlfriend. The other two leave. In the big city, they both feel lost and alone. One fills the loneliness with joining the army and heading into combat; the other fills it with drugs. If you come from a small town, or even a whole lot of generic suburbia around this country, you know every single one of these characters. The one who knocked up his girlfriend sits on the couch with her during her entire pregnancy, for a while after it, and until she gets up and leaves him, so sick of the couch and him. Army guy is wounded and falls in love with his hot nurse, just like Lieutenant Dan. The junkie loses the girl, loses the drugs, and sells everything he has to get back home. Seriously, we ALL know these guys.

There is almost no dialogue whatsoever. The main character, Johnny, does a little bit of narration to let you know the date and his feelings or something, but not much. You have to pay attention to which character is which to see what’s happening. It wasn’t hard for most of the people in my viewing party. Little Brother, however, is only 23. He had a hard time following along. He doesn’t know these characters yet. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

There’s no intermission. The show is short and loud. It’s Green Day: they have Bored-Kid-Angst down to a science. My uber-conservative Other Brother, the one who’s even socially conservative and apparently actually thinks that Jesus really was born on December 25 (o.m.f.g.) wasn’t a huge fan of the politics of the show. Obviously. Some might argue that he IS an American Idiot. I will give him the benefit of the doubt. He was awfully hungover, and the loud show with tons of bright lights and seizure warnings probably didn’t help.

Music- fantastic. Helloooooo, it’s Green Day. You know these songs. You bop your head along with them, waiting for the next musical rift that you know is coming. The singers are exceptionally talented little Broadway Babies, so they make Billie Joe’s voice sound lousy in comparison. They don’t try to sound like him. And they take these songs that you know so well as played by Billie Joe and Mike and Tre, and they add in strings and harmonies and full chorus. Lead vocals get tossed around willy-nilly between the characters – every person on the stage had at least a line or two of at least a song or two to solo on.

Set- good. For this tour, the stage is backed by a wall of televisions. The tvs show  what the show needs them to show. Sometimes it’s a closeup of a character as currently being filmed by another cast member. Sometimes it’s generic television error messages. And sometimes it’s clips from real tv – President GW Bush saying that you’re either with us or against us; Jerry Springer; South Park; etc. There’s also some great scaffolding and stairs that the show made great use of. The “main” set is a couch and a mattress. They move around the stage as needed. Oh, and sometimes there is aerial work. Always fun. The set feels like basements you used to spend time in, which feels just about right considering those basements belonged to the guys described above.

Dancing- great. This is angst-alterna-rock dancing. Angry hate-fuck dancing. High energy, nonstop movement. The kind you want to get up and join in with, and for a hot second you feel like you almost COULD, and then you realize they’ve been doing moves you couldn’t do when you were 13 over and over and over for 7 minutes, and they’re still jumping around with nonstop energy after 30 minutes of similar moves and angst while you would be collapsed on the floor unable to breathe. Loved it. And it fit the music PERFECTLY.

Cast- great. The show is about these three guys as they drift through life, while the other people who drift in and out are almost nameless and faceless. Women especially- the knocked-up girlfriend had a name in the program but was never referred to it on stage; the nurse is called “The Extraordinary Girl,” and the girl the junkie loses is named “Whatsername.” In lesser directing hands, or in the hands of a lesser cast, this would have been a serious problem. Instead, you knew the girls and saw them and understood them. The clarity given to the audience isn’t visible to the people on stage. It’s fascinating. Every person on the stage is a hell of a singer, a hell of a dancer, and LOOKS the part in their flannel  and skinny jeans and headbanging. The main three guys pick up guitars from time to time and accompany themselves. That takes a lot of skill, even for Broadway Babies. At the end, the entire cast grabs guitars and plays together. Color me impressed.

Overall- great. Honestly, it’s a concert. A rock concert, held in a classical music concert hall. It’s loud and the lights are all over the place and the music is angry and angsty and fabulous. It was quick, too. 90 minutes max. The only real shame is that you’re stuck in a fancy theater surrounded by fancy theater-going folk in a nice sit-down theater chair. You’d much rather be moshing your head off, even though you KNOW you’re too old for that shit.

I loved it.

Feb 17

BD Friday

When it’s time for a walk, Bonniedog races down the stairs with us, but stops short of the first floor. This is good, because it takes us a bit of time to get our boots and hats and coats and gloves on, and to grab a bag for her poo, before leashing her up. To make the leashing-up business easier, due to her diminutive size, she makes our lives easier by staying on the stairs. It saves us all the hassle of bending over.

However, BD discovered that she is a bit too long to stand on a single stair. Sure, she could stand sideways, but that would be too easy. Here is what our girl does:

Just assumes the position and waits for us to get ourselves ready, and then waits for us to toss her harness over her head. She very kindly picks up the leg which needs to lift for her to get harnessed as well. BD is all about the convenience.

My little fuzzybutt dog is adorable.

Feb 16

Maturity?!

My office building is one of those “energy efficient” type places. You know, the kind that uses a crapton of (mostly fluorescent) lights; keeps temperatures miserably cold in the winter to avoid heating bills, but keeps temperatures miserably cold in the summer as well; and has a drop-off location for used batteries. Efficient.

The efficiency also means we have those low-flow toilets. Combine low-flow toilets with being many stories up in the air, and you can probably guess where I’m going. Sometimes, a single flush leaves toilet paper still in the bowl. Even if you only had a little tinkle. There just isn’t enough waterflow to get it all down all the time. This isn’t anything new- it’s been this way at least since I began working here in 2009.

However, there has recently been a new development:

What’s really hilarious is that whoever finally got SO DANG FED UP with seeing toilet paper in the bowl (honestly, in 2.5 years I have never seen anything OTHER than toilet paper in the bowl. there aren’t that many stalls or that many people on this floor to make it possible for me to have never seen a pooping bandit if one exists) that she not only made enough signs to hang one in each stall, but she has also been re-hanging them when the cleaning staff removes them.

One of these days, I’m going to take a pen in and write:

REALLY?

CONTROL YOUR EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION!

Being an adult is awesome.

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