I haven’t changed much since I was a child. I have always been exceptionally cautious, stubborn, obstinate, and know-it-all-ish.
I never asked if I could bike around my neighborhood alone, for example. My mom finally had to give me permission – “You know, K, you could take your bike around the block alone.” Apparently my eyes got as big as saucers, and I said, “I can??” as if it had never occurred to me. Whenever my parents took me somewhere new, I always stood on the sidelines for a bit watching everybody else, instead of diving right in. I wanted to know what I was getting into.
I get these ideas in my head of what people are like based on a number of things, but most of those things are current factors. How they dress, how they speak, how they spend their time, how they write.
And then, sometimes, they tell me something about how they were in the past and it BLOWS MY MIND.
For no reason at all, really. I just see snippits of a person’s life- them at work, at school, at bars, whatever. OF COURSE that isn’t the whole picture. I really should know better.
Especially because I could also blow people’s minds with certain aspects of my past. Even though I haven’t changed, at least not my core characteristics. I’ve always been sarcastic and blunt. I’ve always been rather off-putting due to the sarcasm and bluntness and stubborn streak. Such is life.
Having this blog is funny. Somehow, I ended up with all sorts of friends that I don’t actually know. Except I do know them. At least part of them. Maybe not their name, but I know enough. And do I really know real-life friends any better? Maybe, but maybe not. I get these ideas in my head about what my internet friends are like, and of course I’m often wrong- especially when I project MY characteristics onto them, merely because we have some things in common. But that’s partly what makes it so fun, I think.
I have friends from middle school who I would not be friends with if I met today. I have friends that I met in law school who I would not have been friends with in undergrad or high school or whatever. Life happens, and we all move along in our own way and at our own pace. Sometimes you get left behind, and sometimes you leave others behind.
One of these upcoming days, I might have some plans to meet up in real life with some people I know thanks to this blog. Well, people I “know” or whatever. And I’m insanely fucking nervous. I don’t do well meeting new people and entering new situations – I’m always nervous when I meet people for the first time, and that is compounded exponentially when instead of being total strangers, they’re people who already kind of know about me. It’s like meeting a boyfriend’s parents for the first time- they know stuff about you, but you don’t know if they’ll actually like you in person. I like to stand on the sidelines and observe a bit. And I’m caustic, sarcastic, blunt, and off-putting.
What I mean is, I talk exactly like I write/type. Fast, sprinkled with fucks and shits and pop culture references. The things that make my blog amusing (the snark, naturally) are not as endearing in real life. Or so I hear.
Le Sigh.
8 comments
Matt/David
August 17, 2010 at 10:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
If you're looking to escape and party, consider the following: The Will County Bar is having cheap-as-free happy hour at McBrody's in Joliet. Free Food, Free Drink – if you don't mind the smell of pee (It is Joliet after all).
law school ninja
August 17, 2010 at 11:35 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
See, I'm pretty much the same way. It takes me a few minutes to kinda get warmed up to a new situation, but then I just start talking and eventually one of two things happens: (1) People find me entertaining and laugh with/at me, or (2) People are horribly offended by my keen ability to speak without thinking and offend multiple people all at once for different reasons. Or, maybe both things happen. I don't know. But I always have a little corner of dread in the back of my brain when I'm about to meet new people.Did I mention that I'm coming to Chicago in November????? We must meet up and we mustn't be nervous about it.
Shannon
August 17, 2010 at 11:44 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I read this post and thought "holy god, she could be writing about me." I am very much a take-a-back-seat approach when in new situations. Almost anyone who knows me would probably tell you they thought I was stuck-up when they first met me because I like to hang back, but I couldn't be less so once you get to know me. In other words, you aren't alone:)And for the record, snark IS endearing. If other people don't think so, well, as my grandma likes to quote "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."
Amie
August 17, 2010 at 1:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@M/D- I went to Joliet once, by mistake. And since I don't have a car, I'm not planning on going again!@LSN- I knew you were coming sometime and meant to ask when. We can play. But only if you ever get around to emailing me back. Bwahaha.@Shannon- Thanks. When are you guest posting?
Phoenix
August 17, 2010 at 4:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
That's why I'm always careful of what I say to people or make fun of. Because you really never know what someone has been through. That's the wonderful thing about new friends though, you get to take the time to learn all the interesting stuff about them and their life.
ladyk685
August 17, 2010 at 9:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
It sounds like child you and child me would have gotten along great haha It's funny, I get the SAME way meeting new people….a trick taught to me by a close friend was to pretend you're in a play and that you're supposed to be an "outgoing woman who owns the room." It sounds cheesy as hell (and it is cheesy as hell) but for whatever reason, it works.
Lola Lawless
August 17, 2010 at 11:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Snark is awesome. And endearing.Like you. That's all.
Shannon
August 18, 2010 at 12:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I'll guest blog anytime(er, maybe after the semester gets going). Let the baby-hating commence!