Just because something is not illegal does not make it an acceptable thing to do.
Just because there is something out there that will enable you to do something shitty does not make it okay for you to do the shitty thing.
Most people who want to get admitted to the bar and be lawyers these days have to take the MPRE – a test about professional ethics. Apparently we have Watergate to thank for the perception that lawyers are unethical or something? So we all prove that we’re TOTALLY ETHICAL, NO REALLY, I PROMISE by jumping through some hoops and taking a multiple choice test.
Seriously. As if that proves anything.
And what’s silly about it is that the right answer isn’t the most ethical one, or the best one. The right answer is what’s permissible by some code of legal ethics that the ABA made up and some states agreed to follow but others made up their own or whatever. The joke is that you go with the second-most-ethical answer, and you’ll get the question right.
Except that it really isn’t a joke.
There are tons of books that will tell you how to make a bomb. Some bombs are ridiculously easy to build. That doesn’t make it okay to make a bomb. Making bombs will still get your ass in trouble. Or blown up.
Similarly, just because Arianna Huffington made $315 million by stealing snippits of real news stories and linking to them doesn’t mean that she was doing the right thing. And it doesn’t mean that you should try and do the same thing just for kicks. Even if there is a program out there that helps you do it.
I wrote about being wrong a while ago. I don’t like being wrong, but certainly it sometimes happens. I don’t really particularly care for being a jerk either, but it sometimes happens. Sometimes I’m tired and answer too quickly. Sometimes I turn into a mama grizzly and choose to protect my friends or my beliefs from someone who is attacking them or hurting them. Sometimes someone just pisses me off and I don’t give a shit if they think I’m a bitch.
There are always consequences. They’re often not fun – the proverbial bitter pill to swallow and all that. But, when you’ve done something wrong, even if it wasn’t necessarily illegal, would it kill you to say you’re sorry? Or, god forbid, to say that you were wrong?
Maybe. Being wrong is funny – people get more convinced that they’re right as time goes on. Witness reports that begin with uncertainty become more and more certain as they think over what they saw and what happened, and their memories can change to create certainty. Their memories DO change to create certainty. When confronted about doing something wrong, people often become more convinced that they were right.
The best way to go is probably aim for an ounce of prevention – try to do the right thing. Be open to hearing from others why what you thought was okay might not have been afterward. And then, apologize. It’s not fun, but it IS the right thing to do.
Just because it’s easier to pretend that you were right doesn’t mean that you actually were right.
Just because it’s easier to convince yourself that you did the right thing doesn’t mean that you actually did do the right thing.
And just because you hate apologizing does not make it okay for you to not apologize.
16 comments
Pauline
February 15, 2011 at 1:46 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
the mpre was so useless. i failed first time around–apparently, i’m more ethical than the bar needs me to be. ooookay.
Amie
February 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I totally failed the first time around too. Stupid. See also: who gives a shit.
AC
February 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
completely agree.
1. I barely passed the MPRE on the first try. BARELY. However, the people who sat in my professional responsibility class saying “if now one knows/sees it, who cares” passed with amazing scores.
2. Sometimes I feel like those of us who have some sense of moral decency are becoming the minority. Sad. I completely appreciate that you are willing to admit when you are wrong, that is a rarity indeed.
Amie
February 15, 2011 at 6:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
1. I failed the first time. The second time, my score was 35 points higher. Ridic.
2. Agreed. Michael Douglas keeps giving interviews where he’s HORRIFIED that people idolize Gordon Gecko – “greed is good” and all that shit – he was the bad guy of Wall Street. Nobody should want to be that guy. Yet, everybody does. WTF is wrong with people??
Lindsey
February 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sooo… are you going to tell us what you did wrong that led to this post?
I’m never wrong, or at least, that’s what I tell my husband.
Amie
February 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m never wrong either. That’s what I also tell my husband.
Fabulously Awkward
February 15, 2011 at 6:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Girl, you speak the truth. Fucking (wo)man up, people.
Oh, and the MPRE was stupid.
Amie
February 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Ding ding ding on ALL COUNTS.
Lawfrog
February 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I love these lines in particular:
“Just because it’s easier to pretend that you were right doesn’t mean that you actually were right.
Just because it’s easier to convince yourself that you did the right thing doesn’t mean that you actually did do the right thing.”
TELL IT! It’s my belief that if you have to convince yourself that you were right, then you were wrong. If you truly are in the right, it speaks for itself, there is no need to convince yourself of it. I find it really very sad that people cannot simply say “I’m sorry” and really mean it. Two little words that carry so much weight.
Amie
February 15, 2011 at 8:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
True that. The Jimmy Johns near work has a nifty little sign (a REALLY little one, actually. like hard to read little) that says something about how every apology has 3 parts – I recognize I did something wrong, I’m sorry I did wrong to you, and how can I make it up to you. Rather brilliant, if cheesy.
JoshueTree
February 16, 2011 at 1:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I passed the MPRE by one point…..and preferred it that way. I disagreed with a third of the correct answers. Am I immoral?
Amie
February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Of course you are. But that’s not why.
We’re all immoral to someone.
Brittany
February 16, 2011 at 8:46 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I don’t have much to add to your post, other than I agree with it all.
And that the MPRE was a HUGE waste of time, money and effort. I passed by two points in NV and one point in CA (my next desired bar before I took the bar and realized how absolutely terrible it was). Answers that I thought were clearly right, barbri called “clearly wrong.” blah.
Amie
February 17, 2011 at 9:10 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
That was the WORST. Same with studying for the bar, really. I’d pick an answer, and was pretty sure it was right, and then their explanation was “Clearly wrong.” with nothing more to say why. Grr. Jerks. Yeah, never taking a bar again, if I have anything to say about it.
Angelica
February 18, 2011 at 12:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
OMG, I was just explaining to someone about the MPRE this week and how if you chose the actual “most” ethical answer you would likely be wrong. Luckily I figured that out on a practice test and was able to make the necessary adjustments to pick what I felt was the less ethical answer on the exam. I passed the first time, but I couldn’t tell you by how much. All I knew was I passed and I could go back to be my moral self and hopefully never run into an ethics issue.
Amie
February 23, 2011 at 9:22 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Seriously. A freaking MULTIPLE CHOICE EXAM on ETHICS- dumbest concept ever. It’s like ending DARE with “You are at a party. A hot member of the opposite sex who you have a crush on offers you pot. You want to impress him. You: A) Just Say No. B) Call your parents to come pick you up and call the police to bust up the drugged out party. C) Accept the joint, but only pretend to inhale. D) Wooo! Party time! POT FOR ALL.” And since it’s the MPRE, C is the right answer. SO DUMB.